Binah the Bold review: The Truth About Vampires by Theresa Meyers

Paperback: 238 pages
Price: $5.25
ISBN: 978-0-373-61854-5
Released: Feb 15, 2011
Publisher: Harlequin Nocturne (What were you guys THINKING??)
Author's Website: Here.
Buy it: Amazon (please don't)
Obtained: Via Authors After Dark swagbag (YAY let me just tell you it was GREAT and be warned that's the last positive bit for this review)
Genre: Paranormal Romance Count Chocula Angst
Series: Sons of Midnight
Book Order:
1. The Truth About Vampires
2. The Vampire Who Loved Me
(3. Please Tell Me This Series Doesn't Continue Past That Because OH GOD WHYYYY)

All her life, Seattle reporter Kristin Reed sought her breakout story. She never thought she'd find it in the crimson lair of a real-life creature of the night. Kristin never believed vampires existed—until with dark brooding eyes and a decadent chocolate scent, Dmitri Dionotte called out to her….

Dmitri and his clan's true nature was cloaked in secrecy until a warring vampire order threatened their existence. Kristin was just the woman he needed. She couldn't resist their story…or Dmitri. Her blood pulsed hot and furious when he touched her, and with his kiss, all logic fled. But each night she spent with her vampire lover brought her closer to death and destruction. A death not even an immortal could triumph over.

My Rating: Two bottles of tequila and a shot to the temple because the only way to fix this is to pretend it never happened. Got that? It never happened.

My Opinion: If you've read this far into the review, you already know my opinion. (My opinion is BAD.) Now that we have that out of the way, let me expound upon that for you.

Other than smelling like chocolate, the hero is pretty generic. I didn't hate him - I didn't like him, either. He's the "oh woe is me, for I am pretty and immortal" type of vampire (which is... all right, I suppose, if you're into that) and the "let me help you, little lady, ha ha you're trying to be an independent, resourceful human, that is just adorable AND DISAPPROVED. I TAKE CARE OF YOU NOW." Can you tell it annoyed me?

Our heroine starts off promising (she's a reporter, woman trying to get ahead in a man's world, yadda yadda) and very quickly and disappointingly devolves into TSTL.*

There's some kind of plot, but really I don't remember much of it. I've been trying to review this damn book for over a month now and the pain has just died down enough for me to give you the highlights (if I recall correctly):

- Vampires can teleport

- Vampires can teleport objects

- This leads to several scenes of clothing magically teleporting off & on (Not. Joking.)

- Big Badguy Vampire looks like Spike (of Buffy fame)

- So basically he looks like Billy Idol

- Am I the only one who doesn't find that very intimidating?

- Also, he's killing people because he serves (wait for it...) the greek goddess Eros. Who is half vampire.

- Please hold, must stop the blood coming out of my ears.

- Where was I? Oh, right. The heroine writes a piece that vampires are real, which her editor accepts without question, and the vampires (who basically hired her) completely fail to check. This results in mass chaos and rioting all over Seattle and numerous vampires are beheaded in the streets. The heroine is quite surprised by this, despite the fact that she outlined all the ways vampires are horribly dangerous in her article. (See? TSTL.)

You get the idea. Of course, there is more to the story (sex) but it wasn't really worth telling all of you about (mediocre sex).

I read it for a laugh, almost DNF'ed but hung on in case there was something good at the end. There wasn't.

Learn from my mistakes!

*Too Stupid To Live