Book Dragon's Review - Loving Scarlett by Lola Newmar

Price: $16.99 paperback / $5.50 Kindle
ASIN: B004LLIPUQ
Released: January 31, 2011
Publisher: Siren Publishing
Buy it: Amazon
Obtained: Via Amazon
Genre: Paranormal Erotica
Series: Scarlett Rose and the Seven Longhorns collection
Book Order:
1. Loving Scarlett
2. Dear God please don't let there be any more!
From the Amazon.com description:

Siren LoveXtreme: Erotic Cowboy Paranormal Menage Romance, M/F/M/M/M/M/M/M, Longhorn shape-shifters, light bondage] After a traumatic and mysterious fall off a cliff, which results in amnesia, virginal twenty-one-year-old Scarlett Rose is saved by seven sexy cowboy brothers.

Frightened and disoriented, her confusion peaks when she immediately feels an inexplicable, intense attraction to the beautiful strangers, including a doctor, a mysterious nightshift ranch hand, a set of triplets, and a set of twins! Scarlett's reality receives another sucker punch when she discovers her heroes are actually Texas longhorn-shifter cowboys who claim she is their destined, life-long mate. The Lenox brothers have waited their entire lives to find the one woman they were born to share. Their newly discovered mate exceeds their wildest dreams. She’s gorgeous, witty, and her blood-red lips drive their bulls wild with passion. But this Texas yellow rose has thorns. She demands outside contact, but the men insist on protecting her from the mysterious person who hurt her. They decide the only way to get their stubborn mate to stay is if they make sure she never wants to leave. NOTE! You are purchasing Siren's newest serialized imprint, the LoveXtreme Forever Series. This is Book 1 of 9 in the Scarlett Rose and the Seven Longhorns collection. These books are not stand alone. Each is a continuation of the previous book and must be read in the numbered order. Each book may end on a cliffhanger but usually with a happy-for-now for the heroine and one or more men. The final book contains a happily forever after for the heroine and all her men.

My Rating: A very sad, very disgusted, 1 dragon DNF

My Opinion:

The Book Dragon has returned with a tale of caution and woe.  There is not enough mind bleach in the world to rid her of the horrors she has seen in her absence from the blog.  Of course, I have returned just to share the horror with you.  Don't you feel special?!

Now, to the review.

People.  Oh, PEOPLE.

 

This book is crazy. And not in a good way. It’s just not right when an erotica leaves you amused and confused instead of turned on.  Also, head’s up—naughty words and spoilers ahead.

 

It’s about one girl getting her freak on with 7 brothers, who are longhorn (yes, longhorn cattle) shifters. It opens up with her having amnesia at the bottom of a cliff.  She obviously fell. Also, clearly her name is Scarlett Rose, because the locket around her neck says so.

 

She’s a pertyful amnesiac who is also the destined mate of the brothers. ALL OF THEM.

 

Which they can tell by her scent.

 

Also, she’s a virgin.

Wut.

 

Considering this book was an erotica, it took an awfully long time to get to the smex. I mean, by chapter 5, the most we had was a hard-on. 

 

Instead of a traditional review, I will give you Book Dragon’s thoughts as she read through this story.  Here is a blow-by-blow (hur hur hurrrr) of some notes I took and text messages I sent while reading this story:

 

Oh, Jesus. The heroine has violet eyes. I CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING ALREADY.

 

7 brothers AND SHE’S A VIRGIN.  Yeah. Also, one of them is a doctor.  Dr. Tran, perhaps?

 

(Seriously, if you don’t get the reference, you need to DROP EVERYTHING AND WATCH THIS NOW.) 

 

HE…IS A MAN OF HONOR.

 

ROFL his name is Dr. Leo Lenox

 

AUGH RANDOM STATEMENT OUT OF NOWHERE ABOUT HER “PUSSY CREAMING”

 

Bathroom chandelier wut??

 

PERVY VOYEUR LONGHORN IS A VOYEUR. AND PERVY.

 

40% in and it’s finally on like donkeykong.

 

I think.

 

Nevermind. Cockblock by apparent bull-shifter psychic MAGIC. Wut.

 

!!!!!!!!!

 

ONE OF THE BROTHERS IS WHIPPING OUT THE WANG.  BUT THE GIRL ISN’T IN THE ROOM, ONLY HIS BROTHERS.

 

What I don’t even

 

And they talk about their boners and rib each other about jacking off since she got there. Wut.

 

Helloooooo infodump.

 

She just called one of the guys on pitching a tent!

 

AHAHAHAHA!  The same brother excuses himself right as they’re all sitting down to dinner “to wash his hands” (aka rub one off).

 

Aaaaaand her pussy leaks from a handshake during introductions. I think she needs an adult diaper or a cork.

 

Her lips become red from eating, thereby becoming invitation for sexual assault. Methinks the pr0nz are imminent.

 

Or not. At 50% into this mess, I feel gypped.

 

And now the attempted murder subplot appears. Wut.

 

The wangsting is wangsty. And boring.

 

Heh. Now we’re getting to it.

 

Of course Leo spanks her in front of 5 of his brothers as punishment for her eavesdropping on their conversation. *facepalm*

 

Now a brother is holding her still against her will while Leo shifts—in his livingroom, mind you—into a longhorn. *doublefacepalm*

 

HOLY SHIT.  His cock hangs to midthigh when flaccid!

 

OH JESUS ENOUGH WITH THE INFODUMP TALKFESTS JUST BONE ALREADY.  Seriously, at 67%, WHY IS THERE NO PR0N YET.

 

70%. FINALLY.  Finger penetration. Done as unsexily as possible.

 

Wait. He jerks off while fingerfucking her. WHAT WAS THE POINT.  Worst. Sex scene. Ever. *facepalm*

 

The rest of the brothers show up. Oral, tit play and dirty talk. NO ACTUAL SEX.  Also, “her creaming cunt” just made my girlparts go “ewwwwww”.  I think this woman needs to see a gyno, stat.

 

Yay. She’s un-virgin-ified.  But—ugh. She’s leaked on the bed. And the other brothers are watching/yanking from the bedroom door.

 

I just said “oh GOD” out loud at “the squishing sound of her juices”

 

...

 

And that did it. I couldn’t finish this story, even though I was at about 95%. The strawberry girl (a destined one-in-a-million type thing where the shifters’ children will only be born human, not carrying on the shifter curse) thing just killed me.