Binah the Bold Reviews Probability Angels by Joseph Devon

Softcover - 275 pages (99 of which I got through)
Price: $10.99

ISBN-10: 1441403868

ISBN-13: 978-1441403865

Released: January 7, 2009

Buy it via Amazon if you are masochistic

Obtained: Because Book Dragon got to page 2 and had to be put to bed with a headache. I think she's recovered now, though.
Genre: Poorly-explained supernatural philosophical humdrum

Matthew Huntington's problems seem to keep growing. Not only is he seeing things in garbage cans but his mentor doesn't think he's working up to his full potential, his best friend can't offer any solace but drunken confusion and his wife is dying in Central Park. Of course, the fact that Matthew himself died over two decades ago isn't helping things.

My Rating: Put me out of this misery EMPHATICALLY DID NOT FINISH.

My Opinion: Before I actually go into the review, I have to share something with you. When I told my 16-year-old brother that I was reading a terrible book called Probability Angels, he said, "If three angels leave from Houston to go to New York, and one of them is poorly written, what are the chances that at least two of them will end up in a Lifetime Original Movie?" Yes, he is single, ladies. (Shocking, I know.)

Anyway, on to the review! This is an excellent example of a good basic concept gone bad. As far as I can tell, the general premise of the story is that if you choose to give your own life so that someone else can live, you become a malicious ghost who causes mischief among the living by tempting them to do awful things. Example: When the book opens, we find Matthew tempting a priest to go seduce the bride he just married (in the sense of presiding over the nuptials). Except the way the book presents it, these dead people are the good guys. Question mark? Yes, really. Apparently living people (called "meat-bags") (I swear) are so weak-willed that, unless pushed to do terrible things by dead people, they will never do anything great. *Headdesk*

About 1/3 of the way through, it becomes a zombie novel. No, I'm not kidding. Unfortunately, immediately following this fantastic plot twist, there comes a chapter so mind-bendingly awful I was forced to put the book down, walk away and watch TV. How was this chapter so bad? Imagine 20 pages of coherent story that grabs your interest. Now take away the continuity, mix it up into single paragraphs and randomly slap it back into the book. And take away the interest. That's this chapter.

As a note, here's the quote that beat Book Dragon into submission:

"Matthew was a short man but not so short that people noticed that about him, his thinning hair made him look in his thirties while the glint in his blue eyes put him closer to twenty."

Not that I blame her.

Aaaaand the quote that made me lose faith in all self-published novels:

"'You don't have a body,' Epp repeated, a little more sternly, 'so you don't have a nose.'

'If I don't have a nose, Epp, then how do I smell? Can you answer that?'

'Terrible,' Epp said."

It huuuurrrrrts.

The author's bio says, "...He is known for his world-building literary style, instantly accessible characters and poetic dialogue..." Words fail me. As my mother said, "KNOWN BY WHO? HIS WIFE?? HIS MOTHER, PERHAPS???" (I swear she actually said that.)

In conclusion, I have never not cared about anything as much as I don't care about this book. Didn't finish it and actually am not sure where I put it. Oh well!

Tune in next week for my review of Unicorn Vengeance!