Book Faery: Guest Review with Binah the Bold: Decadent by Shayla Black

A Note:

6/2/13

I once told myself: IF I am accepted into grad school, this blog would no longer be updated. As it turns out, in April, I received news of my acceptance for the Fall 2013 semester, where I will attain a Master's degree of Science in Nutrition.

Running a blog, as many of you may already know, is a demanding side job once the excitement wears off. And once I fell out of the blogging community's loop (have you SEEN how many blogs there are now? Wow!), it was like the kiss of death. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't get into a blogging routine once this happened due to the disconnect I felt from the community.

So I took a break. I struggled with the loss and with missing my blog. And then I realized I didn't have to run Book Faery to still be a book reviewer; I could read my books and post reviews online. I'm still a book review blogger, just not in the traditional sense.

I'll still be online. You can chat with me on Twitter, where I'll be posting links to my reviews and talking books. I'll also be posting links to nutrition articles. And if you'd like to connect with me where I guarantee I will post reviews, just add me as a friend on Goodreads.

So that's all, folks! It's been a fun and amazing journey, and I thank you all for listening to my thoughts about books. I hope we all can keep in touch elsewhere :)

Tori

Monday, January 10, 2011

Guest Review with Binah the Bold: Decadent by Shayla Black

Hey everyone! Today we have a hilarious guest review courtesy of Binah the Bold (click here to follow her on Twitter). I highly suggest reading what she has to say--it had me in tears when I first read it... especially the Justin Beiber part ;)

Please also note that this review is Not Suited For Work. Read at your own risk.

Paperback - 352 pages
Price: $15.00
ISBN 10: 0425217213
ISBN 13: 978-0425217214
Released: October 2, 2007

Buy it via Amazon

How can a virgin seeking happily-ever-after with a hot pop star who has a penchant for threesomes win her fantasy man? Kimber Edgington desperately needs a plan to convince Jesse McCall, who's been her friend and secret crush since they spent a summer together as teenagers, that they are meant for each other. But all the tabloid stories about his sexual escapades make her feel oh so inadequate.

"Determined to prove that she's woman enough for Jesse, Kimber turns to bodyguard Deke Trenton for sexual education. Bold and brash, Deke warns Kimber that playing with him is playing with fire. But he can't bear to imagine the innocent beauty in someone else's arms. So Deke and his super-sexy cousin, Luc, take Kimber under their wings and dangerously close to the edge of ecstasy. Though she's saved herself for Jesse, Kimber soon learns he's not the man adept at stoking her aching, endless need. That's Deke, and he can't resist when Kimber begs for more - and more...

Binah's Rating:
For writing, plot, dialogue and anything else that matters? Half a lonely, ragged wing. But as a drinking game and for entertainment value, I'd give it a 3.5.

Binah's Opinion:
This book... hurts. There really isn't another way to describe it. Either I was in pain from OH GOD THIS WRITING or I was in pain from laughing too hard. For those of you who want MORE DESCRIPTION than that spectacular back-cover trainwreck (not that I blame whoever had to write it - they had so little to work with), here's the gist of it:

Kimber is HOT. She is also VIRGINAL and INNOCENT but TOTALLY PASSIONATE and PERFECT IN BED despite NEVER EVER HAVING DONE ANYTHING EVER.

Jesse doesn't even show up until like 1/2 way through the book and really he's basically just a 20-YEAR-OLD JUSTIN BIEBER. He also turns out to be TOTALLY NEEDY and WHINY and they don't even get it on.

Deke is BUTCH and MANLY and TOTALLY NOT GAY. He also can't maintain an erection unless his cousin is in the room. I am NOT JOKING. Deke has ISSUES.

Luc is Deke's cousin. He is a SUPERHOT SUPERCHEF who is SWEET and SENSITIVE and GOOD AT INTERIOR DECORATING. (No, I'm serious. The author makes sure to point this out.) He is also FULLY 100% STRAIGHT and he has fuckfests that last for FIVE HOURS. Oh, and Deke and Luc regard each other as BROTHERS. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Dr. Freud.

There are HUGE QUANTITIES OF SEXY SEX. Unfortunately, just when things start to get good, the purple prose yanks your attention out of the action and onto "his erection now so damn hard it could drill holes in metal". Um, owch. Please keep your drill-press junk away from my ladyparts.

Or let's say you're reading this ten-page sex scene, lots of foreplay, sounds great, right? And then, "She wasn't talking to Luc, who was treating her nipples like a cross between a lollipop and something his Hoover would attack." I gotta get me one o' them attack Hoovers! Also, he compared her nipples to dust bunnies. Also also, DOUBLE OWCH. Any guys who read this book: most ladies are not into purple nurples via suction. Just sayin'. (If you want to link purple nurple to it's definition, here's the url: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=purple+nurple)

I could, obviously, go on. But I won't, because you get the idea.

~~The other thing about this book~~ One of the numerous other things about this book is that until around page 175, there is essentially no plot (other than that of a very low-budget porno), and then all of a sudden the plot rounds a corner and bangs into you like that old Reese's Peanut Butter Cups commercial. Like so:

[A man and a woman walk along, reading books. They turn the corner and bump into one another. The books go flying and the pages get mixed up.]
Man: (angrily) You got plot in my porn!
Woman: (also angrily) You got porn in my plot!
Both: (reading) Euuugh. (Making disgusted faces.)

So... if you have a penchant for bad books that approaches suicidal levels of stupidity (like I do), or if you have a group of friends to take turns reading this book aloud with, go ahead and get it. Otherwise, skip it and save yourself the brain cells.

Love, Binah the Bold